The daintiest last, to make the end most sweet, as Shakespeare put it, and that’s why we chose this show to conclude our series on the Five Worst Programs on Japanese TV as selected by the weekly magazine Shukan Gendai.

Mizugi Shojo (Swimsuit Girls), From 3:10 a.m. Thursdays on TV Tokyo

The show has the simplest of premises—dress some young, busty models in bathing suits and have them engage in goofy conversation and goofier games. How goofy?

On a recent show, one of the girls squeezed a daikon radish between her thighs while another shredded it with a grater. (A daikon is white and shaped like a carrot, but several times larger. Keep in mind the program’s time slot.) Another fun game was Tongue Golf, in which one of the girls took the part of the golf course. (The hole was her navel. Why, what did you think?) Another one of the girls played golf on her body with a ping pong ball, using her tongue as the golf club. Then there was the Mock Childbirth segment in which one girl, legs spread out in front of the camera with knees bent (in what the magazine calls an “M pose”), sucked a hardboiled egg in and out of her mouth. I’m sure you get the picture. Despite being broadcast in the middle of the night, Swimsuit Girls is rated 12th of the top 20 shows on the network.

In a nifty bit of journalism, Shukan Gendai got in contact with the Broadcasting Ethics and Program Improvement Organization (BPO), jointly operated by the country’s private sector broadcasters and the quasi-public NHK. (Here is their website in Japanese.) The magazine asked them what they thought about these five programs.

I do not have the translation skills to render BPO’s response in English and convey the aloof, condescending attitude still too often encountered in the Japanese bureaucracy, combined with the slightest hint of irritation that someone is actually asking them to do their job. Here is their reply: “We also have received a substantial number of complaints about the programs you brought to our attention. The organization’s Young People’s Committee examines programs such as these, but the committee convenes once a month. Unfortunately, they have not yet reached the stage of discussing these programs.”

Well, so much for broadcasting ethics and program improvement. Maybe they can hold off discussing it a little longer until I get to see that Tongue Golf segment!