OK, guys. Here is something I am sure you’ve all been waiting for - the Iron Crotch-99 Power Practice video!

Just like those old comic book ads claiming that for $1.99 some guy will risk a painful death and, in a few short lessons, teach you life-and-death secrets that it took ancient master centuries to discover, Jiu Jiu Shen Gong (99 Power Practice) “unleashes your untapped potential and allows you to achieve your peak performance!”

And these folks are not simply pulling your. . .ah. . . leg, either.

Just last year, three students of Jiu Jiu Shen Gong dragged a truck loaded with 100 passengers (a total load of 10 tons) one meter by tying their penises to the fender of the truck and pulling backwards.

But Jiu Jiu Shen Gong is not just some circus trick. Practitioners claim that you can expect all sorts of health benefits with only 30 minutes to an hour of practice each day.

After only one week, your hips will loosen. In two weeks, you will not feel thirsty as easily. After the first month, your vision will become clearer. By two months, your complexion will improve and the bags under your eyes will disappear, and by three months, you will require less sleep and feel powerful all of the time. Eventually, you won’t feel the need to go the bathroom as often and any plaguing maladies will vanish.

Serious practitioners can purchase a set of special tools designed to flail your tool into fighting trim.

The highest ranking masters of the art reportedly are able to use their penises “to pull cars, break ice blocks, and even cut coconuts,” all great capabilities to have at your fingertips.

But before you run out and start hanging heavy weights from your handle, however, make sure you read the following disclaimer from the video.

Disclaimer: This Iron Crotch video is for demonstration purposes only. These exercises should not be attempted without the supervision of a certified master of Jiu Jiu Shen Gong. The training tools are only for students currently practicing under such a master. TC Media disclaims all liability from the use of this videotape.

Thanks to Mr. Pink for the um. . . tip!