Japundit would like to take this opportunity to extend our belated birthday greetings to that inspiration to otaku everywhere, the Shogun-sama himself, Kim Jong Il. The Little Big Man of North Korea turned 64 last Thursday, and while he has no grandchildren named Vera, Chuck, or Dave—at least no official ones—the rest of Kim’s clan, including Jong Nam, Jong Chul, Jong Un, and perhaps as many as nine others, are still up in the air over which one will he will select to follow in his footsteps. This Reuters dispatch in The Star of Malaysia offers an overview of his birthday celebration and the issue of succession.

Following in the footsteps of the 5’ 3” Kim’s high-heeled shoes, however, will be no cakewalk for whoever gets tapped on the shoulder or is the first to liquidate the others. That’s because the achievements of “the peerlessly great man”, as well as the miracles associated with his life, outshine those of the lesser lights of the rest of humanity. Who could fail to be awestruck after reading this chronicle of wonders by Reuters?

• The young Kim shot 11 holes-in-one the first time he played golf, became a jet pilot (despite a fear of flying that compels him to use rail transport instead of airplanes), and wrote a thesis on Korean history.
• Kim the Artiste developed North Korea’s television industry, an actor’s studio, and the North Korean film industry through such epics as “Five Guerilla Brothers” and “The Sea of Blood” (though he now claims to prefer NBA telecasts instead of films), while creating a new revolutionary opera and a new type of literature.
• The natural world itself is in such awe of Kim that a double rainbow appeared over his birthplace, sacred Mt. Paektu, when he was born. His previous birthdays have been commemorated by sunrises that caused frost to explode with the sound of firecrackers, and frozen lakes to thaw with a sound that shook the mountains.

Despite these monumental achievements, however, not all of the returns are happy ones these days north of the DMZ. Take the return of the North Korean cheerleader squad, feted round the world for their youth, beauty, and devotion to Kim Jong Il. Fat lot of good that did them, as the Chosun Ilbo is now reporting that a man who escaped from the Daeheung concentration camp in the North has revealed that 21 of the women were incarcerated there late last year, allegedly for breaking their pledge of silence and blabbing about their South Korean experiences to their friends and family.

Here’s the AP report on the same story, and this article from the UK’s Independent gives us an idea of what life has in store for the girls in their new home. Perhaps the South Koreans will now have second thoughts about their suggestion to form a joint cheerleading team with the North for the World Cup.

Also, Japan’s Jiji press is reporting that South Korean authorities have learned that witnesses recently saw a South Korean flag flying from a Pyongyang apartment block reserved for upper-echelon party leaders in the Central Committee. If that’s true, it’s not a good omen for Kim or his regime—the residents have all undergone stringent loyalty checks, security at the apartments is tight, and the general public is not allowed to enter. North Korean security personnel have started to investigate, but there’s no word on what they may have discovered. (Sorry, but I couldn’t find an English-language link to the story; I read it in Japanese in the print edition of my local paper.)

Regardless of what stories the propaganda ministry concocts, I really don’t believe that if Kim Jong Il were to hear a sudden loud noise in the morning, his first thought would be that the sunrise is causing the frost to explode in celebration of his nativity.

So, Dear Leader, we’re glad it’s your birthday, and here’s our wish for you: Saengil chukha hamnida! Just keep your back to the wall when you blow out the candles on your cake!