Mainichi’s Wai Wai column has a recap of an article from a Japanese weekly that provides a detailed description of Train Café, a members’ only club for adults in Tokyo’s Ikebukuro district that makes it possible for chikan to enjoy a little hands on release for their sexual frustrations.

Membership at Train Café runs 5,000 yen. Then there is a flat “cup of tea charge” 2,000 yen you need to pay each time you visit the club, plus 3,600 yen for a 20-minute “train ride.” Passengers “ride” in a special room that outfitted to look like the inside of Tokyo’s Yamanote loop line along with young women, whom they are allowed to touch and fondle to their heart’s content.

“During the 20 minute session, the trip takes you from Ikebukuro to Meguro (about one-third of the Yamanote Line’s 60-minute complete loop). With each stop, the doors of the carriage open and the girls get on and off the train. We use actual recordings of the conductors’ announcements and LCD screens outside the window display actual footage of the trip along the Yamanote Line,” Train Cafe’s operator tells Weekly Playboy. “We cannot be beaten when it comes to reality.”

The operator of the Train Café claims that the establishment helps to curb crime by providing men who are overcome with temptation an outlet for their desires. According to the report, the women of the Train Café enjoy being in touch with their customers.

“I loath real chikan. But if I’m attacked by one, I’m too scared to do anything and just shut up. I really, really hate it,” 20-year-old Rin tells the weekly. “But here, all the customers are members. You know you’re going to be felt up and it’s a good place to make friends, so I enjoy it.”

Maybe someone should tell economist Kazuhide Uekusa about this joint.